Dear Diary: Quarantine Edition

Day 1:

As the country cancels everything and buys all the toilet paper to slow the spread of Coronavirus, I’m rocking day 3 of Influenza A. I’ve been pretty sick but showing signs of improvement today. Jeff even offered to call the CDC to see if doing dishes with the flu is okay because he’s thoughtful like that.

After he finished the dishes, Jeff went to the store. They were out of all the essentials so he bought pie and frozen waffles. This is fine.

We’ve scheduled a Harry Potter marathon for this afternoon. Participation is mandatory. Laina announced that she hates Harry Potter. It may be tough to find her a new family during the quarantine.

Until tomorrow, don’t-touch-anything-wash-your-hands-constantly.

Day 2:

Because sharing is caring, Jeff now also has the flu. This means that Laina, our resident Harry Potter Hater, is basically in charge. This is fine. We’re fine. It’s fine.

Starting tomorrow, we will be screen-free during normal school hours. Lucy does not support this plan. She said that if I were running for president, she would not vote for me. Hurtful, sure, but I like a girl who knows where she stands on the issues.

Don’t touch anything, wash your hands constantly.

Day 3:

I went to work this morning, leaving Jeff and his fever to care for the children. They seemed to have a pretty good day together. Which is to say, there will be a list of chores for each of them during my absence tomorrow. One of them responded to this announcement with, “As long as I get the easy ones.” I don’t want to name names…It was Jeff. Jeff said that.

We thought it might be fun to watch the movie, “Outbreak” with Dustin Hoffman. We were wrong. Very, very wrong.

So if you need me, I’ll be stress-eating all the apocalypse snacks.


Day 4:

Discovered that the governor hasn’t shut down the elevator at work yet, so that’s cool.

People seem really tense these days. For example, when I cough (into my elbow like a proper citizen), they look at me like I just barfed on their favorite shoes.

Jeff gave the girls the choice to clean their rooms or put their clothes away today. They appear to have compromised and watched movies so everyone is a winner.

One child has lost her phone for a week and the other one appears to have lost her pants. This is fine. It’s fine, right?

There is very little cake involved in a pandemic. I know, I was surprised too. This is especially concerning since we are out of pie.

Day 5:

Sweet Mother of Martha. I was home with the kids today so Jeff could work. I regretted this decision almost immediately. The fifth day must be the day the bickering begins. The cat is def my favorite now.

We are out of milk but the toilet paper supply is holding up nicely. I watched Lucy yank like 30 paper towels off the roll all at once and suddenly I understood the TP hoarders just a little bit more. I know we could survive without paper towels just fine. But the gravity of what is happening in the world does make you think differently about stuff like that.

This prompted the girls and I to have a nice talk about how we can better appreciate and conserve what we have. So now Laina wants to save her shrimp tails from dinner. Nailed it.

Stay home and wash your hands. Or drink your wine. Whatever.

Keep your distance…


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