1/29/2018: We’re almost to the end of January, which means just one more month of winterness. My goals in life are simple really – eat all the tortilla chips, watch all the shows, make it to spring.

2/4/2018: My team won the Super Bowl! Just kidding. I don’t have a team. Football is the worst. But Justin Timberlake did the halftime show and there were lots of cheese-based snacks so it all worked out.

2/5/2018: I’m listening to the kids play doll house and my influence on them is evident in their pretending. It’s all “You better clean that mess up right now!” and “Get your butt down here, young lady!” followed by a very loud and overly enthusiastic chorus of Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You.”

2/7/2018: Guacamole is the very best thing. The smell of grapefruit is also the very best thing. And brownies. And car naps. All of these things are the very best thing.

2/9/2018: Having a full box of Kleenex in every room of the house really makes me feel like I have my shit together.

2/11/2018: The kids went sledding today. Which was cute because there’s no snow.

2/13/2018: We’re starting a couple of remodeling projects in our house. Which means there will be a toilet hanging out in the dining room soon and our marriage will be in jeopardy for a few weeks.

2/21/2018: I have been adulting my ass off this week. I’m meal planning and cooking and cleaning and eating healthy and reading a parenting book and joining boards and committees and just doing all kinds of things I don’t enjoy even a little.

2/22/2018: I decided to do the growing up talk with my nine-year-old today. Before I had even broached the subject, she asked what “transgender” means. I feel like that’s a sign she’s ready for “the talk.” So, if you need me, I’ll be talking about sex organs with young children.

2/24/2018: We went couch shopping today as a family. This is how it went, in a nutshell…

Him: “Do you like this one?”

Me: “No, too ugly.”

Him: “How about this?”

Me: “Are you crazy?!”

Him: “A simple no would have sufficed.”

Me: raises an eyebrow (approximate translation: “I got your ‘no’ right here, buddy.”)

A few more minutes of browsing, both of us quiet and focused, and then…

Me: “Ohh!! This one! This is it! Let’s get this one!”

Him: “It’s hideous.”

Me: “I hate furniture shopping and also maybe you.”