Running Is Not My Jam

I ran. And not because I was being chased.

That is to say, yesterday, while taking a walk, I decided to try running. It was a very small amount of running but exactly enough for me to remember why I don’t typically do that. The last time I ran on purpose, it was because I was late to first period Geometry and trying to avoid a tardy. These days, I’m more into leisurely activities like reading, competitive Scrabble, and light snacking. But no one was watching and I was wearing a sports bra that was slightly stronger than military grade Kevlar, so I had nothing to lose.

At first, I was scared; I wasn’t accustomed to moving that quickly. Trees and mailboxes were just flying by. Fear turned into exhilaration as I realized that I was doing it – I was running! Wheee! What fun!

I was listening to music in my ear buds which made it seem like I was in a training montage in a movie. Feeling strong and powerful, I had just started looking around for an old car to drag behind me when another feeling surfaced. I call this one burning hell fire. It is characterized by sweat, tears, and of course all the burning. My lungs fully engulfed in flames, I desperately wanted to stop but remembered hearing about something called a “runner’s high.” So I pushed on for a little longer just to see if I could tell the difference between a release of endorphins and imminent death. I cannot.

You’ve seen those stickers that people put on the backs of their cars after they run a race – the ones that say 26.2 or 13.1? If I had one to reflect all of the running that I did yesterday, it would say .01. But, since this is a dramatic increase from all the days before yesterday, I count it as a win.

Running is not and probably never will be my jam. I mean, I will do it again. And if all goes well, again and again and again. And I will hate it every time.

But there are worse things. Worse things than running. Things we do all the time that don’t improve our health even a little.

Things that Suck More than Running

  • Taking any number of children to a grocery store for any amount of time.
  • Wearing Spanx.
  • Enduring the awkward silence when you are one of only two people in an elevator.
  • Calling Comcast customer service.
  • Shopping at Wal-Mart. With or without children, it honestly doesn’t matter.
  • Forgetting to take your phone with you to the bathroom.
  • Refrigerator clean out duty.
  • Going to restaurants with signs advertising, “Kids Eat Free!”
  • Taking a quiz on Facebook and finding out after all this time that your perfect date is pizza.
  • Wearing pants.



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