With each new year, I get a little wiser. Wait, I meant to say weirder. Same thing, really.
However you look at it, I learned a lot in 2015.
- Almond butter costs $75 per gallon. It’s true, I did the math.
- It’s easier to build a national monument than get me out of bed early to exercise.
- The thing about having kids is that it’s exhausting even when everything goes the way you want it to, which happens exactly never.
- Having your mind read by a stranger is a rather violating experience. I’ll tell you more about that when you’re older.
- “Family Movie Night” is Latin for “Spill the %#$@ popcorn on the couch six times.”
- Seeing my kids learn to read and write is so, so cool.
- Uneaten oatmeal will not “eventually go down the drain.” It will, however, turn into a mortar-like substance that has to be chiseled away with a pickaxe.
- Paying over $300 for a really nice hotel room does nothing to prevent a hangover.
- Fifteen different pair of prescription glasses may not be the secret to happiness but it’s definitely headed in the right direction.
- Threatening to dismember a Barbie doll does little to motivate a child to pick up and put away said Barbie doll.
- Kayaking is fun. Yacking is not.
- Any toy with a label that says “Over 750 pieces!” should be left at the store. Or lit on fire immediately.
- A handmade gift from a young child can bring me to tears. So can the sound of my alarm clock on a Monday morning.
- “I didn’t know what to get you!” does not fly as an explanation for not getting your husband a birthday gift. Who knew?
- Drinking two double espressos really gets me motivated. And makes it possible for me to feel my heartbeat in my forehead.
Just this morning, I found out that I’m slightly less mature than your average seven-year-old. 2016 is already off to a good start.
So, here’s to another year of learning!
Or being weird, whatever.