A New Year, A New Ewe

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New Year’s resolutions are a great idea in theory. There’s nothing like the fresh start of a brand new year to boost motivation for improved health, to be a better spouse/parent/friend/lacrosse player, or to give up all those bad habits. For the past few years, I haven’t made any resolutions because I didn’t want to feel like a failure when January 9th arrived and I still hadn’t been to the gym. But self improvement is a good thing and it can’t hurt to set a few goals. So to celebrate the beginning of another year, I’ve put together a short list of things I’d like to work on in 2015. Well, approximately 2015. I’d be satisfied to get through most of the list by 2028.

  1. Put away the socks. The ones that have been living in the laundry basket, unmated, for months.
  2. Worry less. But what if I can’t do that? And just how will I maintain a high level of stress and anxiety without constant irrational and unnecessary worries? What would I do with all my free time? On second thought, never mind.
  3. Swear less. But just in the presence of women and children.
  4. Be more patient. This would be easier if everyone around me would just hurry the hell up already. Oops.
  5. Take up snowboarding. Because that looks like loads of fun. And not at all life-threatening.
  6. Spend less time on my smart phone. I anticipate that this will be most challenging as I recently found Candy Crush Soda Saga.  (Does anyone have any hints for getting past level 28? This “find the bears” thing is more complicated than it looks.)
  7. Plant a garden. Just kidding!
  8. Exercise once in a while. That’s as specific as I’m going to get because “once in a while” is a dramatic improvement from “never.”
  9. Write a book.
  10. Learn how to curl my own hair. Seriously, is there some kind of class that women take to learn this? Can you find that on YouTube? I look great after a trip to the salon but when I put a hot wand to my hair, I end up looking like a very angry sheep. If I could do it all by myself, I’d settle for sedated sheep; sedated but elegant and with amazing volume.

Happy 2015!

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